Jokes

  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • : Function ereg() is deprecated in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/file.inc on line 895.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 838.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_display.inc on line 1707.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display_page::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin_display::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_display_page.inc on line 479.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_sort_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_sort.inc on line 82.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 584.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 584.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 608.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_style_default::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_style_default.inc on line 25.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 61.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 61.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/kjl/drupal/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 838.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display_block::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin_display::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_display_block.inc on line 184.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_field.inc on line 590.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 838.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_argument::init() should be compatible with views_handler::init(&$view, $options) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_argument.inc on line 735.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_argument_broken::ui_name() should be compatible with views_handler::ui_name($short = false) in /home/kjl/drupal/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_argument.inc on line 760.

What's The Ultimate Rejection

When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Plant The Lettuce

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened.

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Random Things You Would See on Bumper Stickers

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Support Cannibalism — EAT ME!

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

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How Old Is This Drink?

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch.  The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference.  The guy downs the Scotch and says: "This Scotch is only ten years old!  I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."

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15 Signs You Drank Too Much

15- You spend the night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes.

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What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

It smells like carrots.

The Nuns and The Blind Man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

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What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?

A nun falling down the stairs!

If I'm Wrong

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to have sex with me.

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